A Very Slow Count

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Dec 7, 2010 7:59am

I am officially 5 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. For most people who conceive the natural way, they would just be taking that home pregnancy test now. With that excitement already behind us, I am feeling completely antsy, and I must admit, a little bit in limbo. 

Everything is confirmed: yes, I am definitely "with child". The doctor's office confirmed it, and so did the handful of pregnancy tests I have taken. Maybe it's because I thought my symptoms would be much more obvious by now. Granted, my lower abdomen is feeling firmer and tighter (and it's definitely NOT due to any sort of working out) and I have had cravings and some nausea. Still, my cravings have seemed, for the most part, "normal" -- no need for pickles and peanut butter or an anchovy and whipped cream sandwich -- and I don't know if it's just my normal foodie self craving Saturday's fish and chips or Friday's lamb burger. I know, for a fact, that I have been sensitive to texture. I had chicken curry, rice, and an egg for breakfast on Saturday (is that weird?) and while it was delicious while I ate it, the thought of it afterwards was enough to make me feel the food at the top of my throat, ready to come out. Anything soupy or stewy sounds disgusting to me, and I only want crunchy and crispy. However, it is not unheard of for me to want a lamb burger on any given (un-pregnant) night, and I remember going through a craving for fish and chips at one point or another these past couple of years. Additionally, the nausea, though present, has not been remarkable. I've had a history of acid reflux that makes me nauseus, and I don't see the difference between the acid reflux nausea and my pregnancy nausea. I also haven't seen myself throwing up in the morning (or any other time, for that matter) now. No notable tidal wave of exhaustion has hit me, which I can probably attribute to my really good sleeping habits, but I just thought that when pregnant, one could basically diagnose herself a narcoleptic due to being so exhausted all the time. What has been worth noting is my need to constantly use the restroom. I have found myself waking up well before my alarm clock due to my need to go potty. During my 8-hour workday, I have counted myself to have used the restroom 9-10 times a day last week. 

Perhaps I am just lucky and perhaps I will just be eating my words because the dreaded exhaustion, insane cravings, nausea, and morning (or all day) sickness will set in within the next few weeks. Who knows. I think I can attribute my doubt and fear to the fact that we wanted to get pregnant so bad that this seems too good to be true. Again, this is the time to turn to faith and know that God is taking care of us and of our baby/babies. I know that it is all in His hands and I just have to pray for patience because we ALL know this is just me being antsy and impatient for the 20th to come so we can have our ultrasound. 

Again, I want to thank everyone for your constant support and prayers. Both John and I have been so encouraged and inspired by all of you and your messages throughout our conception process. Please stay with us during this pregnancy too! xoA

The Reward of the Faith

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Dec 2, 2010 7:10am

“Faith is to believe in what you do not see. The reward of that faith is to see what you believe.” ~St. Augustine

My favorite quote from one of my favorite saints seemed entirely too appropriate during this process. Everything the doctors told us, every instruction, every restriction was followed to a T. Outside of that, we clung on to sheer faith to keep us going daily.

And boy, were we rewarded. 

Yesterday, painful as the first few hours of the day may have seemed, I did my best to stay busy at work — projects that usually came easier and quicker with a partner were done purposely by myself, I slowed down and was much more meticulous in other tasks outside of that just so the time would go by faster. At lunchtime, I left the office and went to church nearby (actually, the Basilica where we got married) and spent a few minutes on my knees praying there before grabbing a quick drink that served as my lunch. I knew I could eat nothing because I was so nervous. Afterwards, the early afternoon seemed to be going quickly. Before I knew it, it was already 2pm … only an hour and a half to go. That entire afternoon, I kept my cell phone in my pocket (instead of on my desk) and kept the volume up so I wouldn’t miss the call. 

Immersing myself in a project in another part of the office, I was surprised to get a phone call from PRC at about 2:40 (50 minutes early), but jumped up and ran outside to take the call. It was June, who I was surprised to hear from, as in the last couple of weeks, we have dealt mostly with Debbie or Karla. Before she could go further, I asked her to hold so that I could get John in to conference the phone call, so he wouldn’t miss the moment. I was happy that it was June who called us as she was the first one who really dealt closely with us when we first started the process and I had grown so accustomed (and probably a little attached) to her. June said that she had been bugging the nurses all afternoon long on our behalf, and insisted that she be the one to call us and notify us of the news. As soon as John was on the line and June asked how he was doing (he answered “nervous”) June said, “I wanted to be the one to call you guys to congratulate you (John: Laughs in relief and excitement; Angela: Squeaaaaaaals in delight) because you’re pregnant!

She let us have a few moments to react (or in my case, scream and stop myself from jumping up and down) before congratulating us again on a very rewarded few months of hard work and patience. Shortly, she transferred us to Karla, who immediately congratulated us and gave me instructions for the next few weeks. The instructions are the same as now: Take it easy, no lifting over 10 lbs. (John’s and my rule is nothing over 7 lbs., just to be safe), no pools, no jacuzzis, no baths, no tampons, douching, or intercourse, no heating pads or laptops directly on my abdomen, etc. I am now to relax and wait patiently until our first ultrasound. We scheduled the ultrasound for December 20th, when I will be exactly 7 weeks along. Although we, of course, know that we are having [a] girl/s, we do not know how many there are, and will not know until that ultrasound appointment.

After one more set of congratulations, Karla said goodbye and it was just John and me on the phone. We decided to make phone calls immediately, as everyone has been waiting so patiently for results. He called his Uncle Mike, his mom, his grandma, and his aunt. I texted my brother Ryan (I promised him he’d be the first I’d notify), called my mom (screamed), my older brother (“Yesssss! Yesssss! Yessss!!!!”), and John’s sister (“Oh yeah!!! All right!!”). A few minutes later, my sister-in-law in Manila (my older brother’s fiancee) called to congratulate me. I then sent text messages to my closest friends to let them know. Various phone calls and texts ensued. It wasn’t until after i left the office that I was finally able to talk to my dad (16 hour time difference — he was still asleep when I called him) and tell him the news. I came back into the office where Meg was actually the one to say, “We’re all waiting!” I stood in the hallway right outside my boss’s office and I said, “We’re having a baby!” Everyone came out of their offices for congratulations. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent making and receiving phone calls and text messages to and from friends and family who have anxiously been waiting for results all week. By the time I finally got home and was able to lay down for a while before John got home, I was still on the phone, but John gave me clearance to finally announce it to everyone else on Facebook. 

We are absolutely elated at the results. All of your prayers have helped us so much in achieving our goal! For now, the next six weeks are critical in the baby’s/babies’ development. The first ten weeks of pregnancy are very critical as the fetus develops all its organs at this time. We have the ultrasound on December 20th to look forward to, and we are really hoping there would be two healthy heartbeats, although we would be thankful for one, two, or three, if God so chooses.

For now, I am four weeks and three days pregnant. Our baby is the size of an orange seed this week (last week was only the size of a poppy seed!) and looks something like this:

According to my iPhone app, my due date is August 8, 2011.

Thank you all for continuing to pray with us. I will be continuing this blog to share in our adventures in this pregnancy and after August, in parenting! Our love to everyone!

xoA

Roller Coaster

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Dec 1, 2010 10:50am

Today is the day of my final pregnancy test and I am a nervous wreck.

The final days of bedrest turned out well, as it was Thanksgiving weekend, and we had my mother in law, mom, and brother come over. Their visit really kept me occupied, although I know that I probably talked about nothing but getting pregnant. John has been, as always, beyond incredible — he cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal and cleaned up afterwards too.

On Saturday night, I cheated and took a home pregnancy test. I only got about 5 drops of urine on the stick, so I knew I messed it up, although I did see a faint second pink line on the test. My mom, brother, and John all confirmed that yes, there was indeed a second pink line, albeit faint. John and I were a little upset, as we thought this was not a good sign. John told me to take the test again in the morning so that the hCG in my blood, if any, would be more easily detectable.

Sunday morning, I woke up at about 5:30 a.m. to go potty and took the test. In my groggyness and rush to get back into bed, I thought that the line was, again, faint as from the test from the night before. I woke John and told him about it and told him I was upset. I spent the next hour in bed looking up information on the internet. Turns out, the biggest reason it is not recommended for IVF patients to take home pregnancy tests is because of false negatives. Many tests do not detect the traces of hCG as early, so many women end up being initially disappointed before finally finding out from their doctors that they are, in fact, pregnant. I went back to sleep and woke up at about 8:20 a.m., looked at the test again, and saw that the second line was not faint, but definitely defined. IT WAS POSITIVE. I was ecstatic, and immediately showed my mom and brother. I told John that it was positive and he said he knew it was, as he checked it when he got up, and he thinks I may not have waited long enough earlier to see the result and / or in my sleepy stupor, I just didn’t see it clearly. Either way, the test was unquestionably positive.

I went to PRC on Monday morning for my first blood test and was disappointed to find out that they would not be conducting the pregnancy test until they get both blood samples from that day and Wednesday (today). So I decided that I would go and buy another box of pregnancy tests at the market on my way home from work.

Tuesday morning (yesterday) I took the HPT again and the result was the two pink lines and the second one was distinctly darker than the one from Sunday. I was ecstatic, although I tried to bottle the excitement as we are really wanting to wait until this afternoon’s results from PRC to confirm that I am definitely pregnant.

Here are the two tests next to each other . . . see the difference?

I confessed to Karla at PRC on Monday that I did take an HPT and showed her the picture of the result. She said that it was a good sign, especially if the second line is getting darker with each test I take, and encouraged me to keep taking tests at home to hold me over until we receive the official results from the doctor. She told me that she knows about my concerns about a false positive, but to rest assure that the hCG shot I took (before the egg retrieval) was over 2 weeks old, and there would be no traces of THAT hCG by now, and that the hCG that the pregnancy tests are detecting are more than likely produced by my body, especially since the lines are getting more pronounced. (Remember: hCG is a hormone that the body produces when it is building the placenta).

So today, I went in at 8am for the blood samples, and have to wait the excruciating 7-8 hours until PRC calls me and John to give us the results. I mean, are they kidding?!?! I have not been able to concentrate at work (hence I am blogging instead of working), although I am thankful to be here as I have plenty to keep me busy. I called my mom in tears as I have been under so much anxiety since I got back to my desk after PRC this morning. I was so confident yesterday and for some reason, I am just so fearful today. My mom reminded me, though, that we have done everything we need to do already, and that as long as I have said my prayers, that’s all I can do. Everything else is in God’s hands now. She also reminded me that I must not forget all our friends and family who are praying along with us, especially today.

I then remembered a verse from the Bible from my friend Katie’s blog from a while back: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

I am offering it all to Him, especially today. He knows what we want and what is best for us. We have prayed and prayed fervently for our wishes and I know He has heard us and is keeping us close to His heart.

I should have prayed for more patience. ;-)

xoA

Chronicles from House Arrest

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Nov 23, 2010 12:12pm

I stirred in our very comfortable Cal king-sized bed, slowly kicking my feet in between layers of pillows I had arranged under my bottom last night. It is warm and soft under the covers and I feel the cool breeze from the fan we keep on to help me sleep at night. My eyes slowly flutter open and I try to clear them as I check the time on the cable box underneath the TV across the room: It’s 8:35 a.m. Imagining the dread I would normally have of being at work today by this time, I am in no rush as I get out of bed, use the potty, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Lazily, I put on a sweatshirt, head downstairs, plop myself on the couch, and contemplate all the activities I have tried to plan out for myself today until my husband gets home late this evening. I turn on the TV and peruse through hundreds of channels, finding nothing to watch, but just settle on the Rachael Ray show (which I have never seen, as I can’t stand its host), only because Paula Deen (my favorite) is a guest today. Within minutes, I change the channel and submit myself to another entire day of THIS.

Day 4 of bed rest. I know the required is only 3, but John and I are not taking any chances. I must admit that a huge part of me would like to have gone back to work today, as we have dubbed this time “Budget Season” — Homeowners Associations’ assessment budgets are normally sent out in the month of November, and as I had come to experience the past two years being there, it is a crazy and hectic time. Sending out budgets is a large project, and this is my second year (of the three I’d been there) heading up the task. However, due to all my appointments and bed rest days, I have been absent for most of it, having left the rest of the project to my equally-capable though not as meticulous (or let’s face it, not as knowledgeable in the process) co-workers. We are a small office, but a well-oiled machine, and each person’s presence is integral in making the machine work. Call it arrogance, but being the owners’ right-hand person, I am a little worried that although the job may be getting done, it may not be getting done as efficiently as I would like, or as THEY would like. 

Day 1 of bedrest was this Saturday, the 20th. We came from PRC and directly to bed. John had me set up with pillows, my laptop, and books. We ordered lunch, ate in bed (we are NOT fans of eating in the bedroom), and he played video games and I read magazines. I was not allowed to take a shower, but by the end of that day, I could not stand being dirty so I snuck my head under the faucet and shampooed right before John gave me a sponge bath. I was only allowed to go to the potty and straight back to bed, and needless to say, the normally adorable chalk blue walls of our bedroom were slowly starting to take their toll on me. John was also nice enough to make us a delicious pasta casserole and was so patient in bringing all our meals and everything I needed to our bedroom on a red tray I had purchased a couple of months back. 

Day 2 of bedrest was Sunday, the 21st. I woke up at 7:45 a.m. already dreading the day ahead. John and I stayed in bed for a while until he got up to take a shower and get out of his PJ’s to pick up some lunch for us. I was so envious that he could shower, and even more frustrated that I felt fine, but had to stay in bed anyway. After a very big lunch, I fell asleep for a couple of hours. The window was open and the cold fall air came into the room, but evidently I was experiencing hot flashes because I still had him turn on the fan. The room became so cold that he left during my nap and went downstairs to warm up. I woke up at around 4:30 p.m., went to the potty, and sullenly went back to bed. I tweeted something about being a prisoner in my own home and my little brother, Ryan, was sending me tweets to cheer me up. A few moments later, John came upstairs and told me he would let me come downstairs because he felt bad for me. As soon as he said that, I just started crying. I cried for a while as he let me sit on the couch just because I was so happy to be let out of my “prison” upstairs. I hadn’t been downstairs in over 32 hours, and was beyond happy to get the change of scenery. After a few hours of TV downstairs, I washed my hair under the sink again, did my sponge bath and we went to bed.

Day 3, Monday, the 22nd. This day was one that I had dreaded in particular because John would be going back to work and I would be all by my lonesome self. Luckily, I had a few things to look forward to, namely being able to be downstairs and also being able to finally shower in the evening. I spent most of the day in front of the TV and re-reading the 7th Harry Potter book. I had slowly accumulated a pile of items around the area of the couch where I was lying down: books, magazines, water bottles, etc. I felt like a hoarder. Early in the afternoon, I was texting with one of my girlfriends in San Diego and invited her over. Thank goodness that her schedule was free and later in the afternoon, she came over with her dog and sat with me to keep me company for a while until John came home. When I was finally able to take a (lukewarm, not hot) shower, really scrub my body, and shave my legs, I felt almost 10 pounds lighter. Last night’s craving was eggs sunny side up on white rice with ketchup. It felt almost like a normal evening with me and John. 

I am now just trying to survive the rest of the week without pulling my hair out. I’m finding myself talking to “the girls” when I go potty, telling them to stay inside and stay strong so we can see them in 9 months. (Not that they can “slip” out, as they are planted deep within my uterus, but for some reason I am just afraid they’re gonna see this opening and want to come out) I remind myself of the magic that is happening right now inside me, reading article upon article online about what happens to the embryo at this point of the “pregnancy” (pregnancy is in airquotes only because of course we are still not sure of it yet). I wish I could be inside there and cheer the girls on as their cells divide and they keep growing.

For now, I am creating a mental list of things I would like to do as soon as I am able to go outside: get my hair done, my eyebrows waxed, do some shopping, and generally just breathe fresh air. Most of all I am looking forward to being back at work and feeling productive again. On top of all that, my pregnancy tests are coming up on Monday and Wednesday next week. After months of waiting, our answers are less than a week away. 

Presenting

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Nov 20, 2010 10:34am

Bench “Designer” Embryo 1 & Bench “Designer” Embryo 2

We went in for the embryo transfer today and it went well. We arrived at PRC at exactly 8:30 a.m. and were in the procedure room by 8:45. They ended up not giving me Valium, which was fine with me, as it felt almost like just a regular pap smear appointment, except for the angle of the bed and stirrups, which were like 45 degrees facing up. A little awkward, but not entirely uncomfortable. Dr. Salem (Sr.) came in with Debbie later on, and they opened a door to the adjoining embryo lab where the embryologist came and went during the procedure. John stood above me and held my hand during the whole process. With not too much details I want to get into (it wasn’t gnarly, just, um, intimate), the procedure went without a hitch.

Out of the 11, basically 5 reached the right maturity as of today, and three of which were girls. We chose to transfer the top two girls (of course) and chose to freeze the remaining one if it reaches the desired maturity within the next couple of days. 

After the procedure, they instructed me to stay laying down for a while and gave me the final instructions before going home. Pretty much, I will be in bed the entire three days. No getting up except for going potty. My biggest panic is not being able to shower until Monday evening. I mean really? I shower religiously no more than every 24 hours. But ok, I’ll allow it :-)  John has set me up in bed, getting my laptop on a laptop desk (no laptops or any heat on my abdomen allowed), putting pillows under my pelvis and legs, and providing me with the TV remote. 

With my very short attention span, these three days will be veeeeeerrry long. Thank goodness it’s mostly on the weekend so John can keep me company.

Will have many updates for you all. Thank you again for praying for us and with us. Please continue to do so too.