Pages

Typical Tuesday, Eh?

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 19, 2010 3:32pm





Me (via Twitter): Really tempted to get some fresh lobster to steam for dinner . . . for no other reason besides “I love @JBench99 so much”

Now Via Email…
Me: Did you get my tweet?
John: Yes crazy. What time is dinner?
Me: Well do you want lobster for dinner?
John: Do I want Lobster? That's like asking me if I want air..yes



Inside My Busy Little Brain

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 18th, 2010 11:25pm
I am trying to ever-so-patiently count the days until this Thursday’s Lupron lesson appointment. The “trying” part is not so bad; it’s the patience part that’s not so easy, especially for someone as antsy as I am.
 After getting phone calls and clarifications from Friday evening up until this morning, we finally received confirmations that all my meds and fertility drugs will be arriving via FedEx tomorrow. I had them delivered to my office so that not only can I sign for them and verify receipt, but also so that I could physically have my hands on the over $2000 investment we just made.
 Funny side note: My bank almost did not approve the purchases. I received two phone calls from my bank (I almost never answer phone calls from unknown numbers) wanting to verify that I did, in fact, make these large purchases. Oddly timed, I also ordered my driver’s license renewal last night online. So when I finally called the automated line this evening, I had to verify (*in robot voice* — note the pauses between each word) “a. purchase. for. [$ xxxx.] at. a. pharmacy……. a. puchase. for. [$ xxxx.] at. a. pharmacy….. a. purchase. for. thirty. one. dollars. at. a. government. agency.” I guess in these situations, it’s best to just find humor in the mundane.
 On another note, I am beginning to think that these birth control pills (i.e. the roller coaster of hormones) are starting to affect me. I have noticed myself in a cold sweat at times, and other times, I feel as if I am getting hot flashes (a symptom I’m not really expecting until we start using Lupron and the cocktails of estrogen and progesterone that we will be injecting). More obviously to me, I am breaking out like it’s nobody’s business. Disgustingly, I have developed an astonishing amount of jawline breakouts in the past two weeks. At first, I thought it was my foundation, and I was going to get angry — when you spend almost $50 for one tiny bottle of Nars foundation, and they tell you it’s because it is all natural and non-comedogenic, you expect good results. So two weeks ago, I stopped using liquid foundation and went back to my trusty Laura Mercier mineral powder. In this situation, even Laura let me down. I just can’t seem to win.
I keep reminding myself that breakouts are a small price to pay for getting the thing we wish for the most.
Tomorrow, I will anxiously await the arrival of the FedEx guy at my office. Who am I kidding — I’m anxiously awaiting him NOW. Here I am, laying in bed, and I am afraid that the FedEx guy is going to somehow want to deliver to my office in the middle of the night and I would miss it. Perhaps I am going crazier than I gave myself credit for. Sleep, Angela, sleep. 
In the meantime, can someone please remind my skin that I am no longer sixteen years old and had stopped breaking out for years prior to this time? 

Drugs Are On The Way


Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 15, 2010 11:07pm
I realized today, perhaps a little delayed, that as all of our in-vitro events get closer, I will have no choice but to write more blog entries. I guess this isn’t exactly the worst thing, but I did try very hard not to post daily, as there is such a thing as overkill. It was not taken into account, however, that as developments in our little adventure get closer together, the more information I will have to either (a) try to remember [NOT happening] or (b) spew out into the universe via Tumblr.
 And here we are again. 
 My last sent email to June yesterday was left unanswered. You can imagine the wheels tinkering and turning in my head as I awaited her response. The email contained a vague yet somewhat accurate rendering of what goes on in my head. Poor June had to be subjected to a barrage of questions hurled at her: “I haven’t received the planner and the prescriptions. Have you sent it? When it arrives, would I have enough time to order the fertility drugs and have them be here before Thursday next week? What is the exact price? If they don’t arrive before Thursday, what would we do? Would we have to reschedule?” 
 When I didn’t hear from her as of 10 a.m. today, I called John in a mild freak-out mode that I am sure he had not expected to see after our wedding. My incredibly intuitive husband then decided to just call June himself. She finally called me at about 11 a.m., and explained that she had started emailing me back, but upon realizing it was going to be an extensive paragraph or six, she thought she’d better call me and do so verbally instead. 
 June explained that PRC would just get the prescription order ready and fax it to one, two, or a combination of three pharmacies located in different places in the country. The reason for the varied locations is that while one offers a $150 discount per $2000 order, another offered free shipping, and another offered to throw in Lupron with the purchase of all the rest of the fertility drugs. June informed me that she and a colleague are working on figuring out what to order from whom so that we would get our money’s worth. At some point either today or tomorrow, I would hear from the pharmacy/ies soon after PRC faxes over the prescription. During that time, I would order the medicine and pay via credit/debit card. 
 As we were not entirely sure how much the total cost of the fertility drugs would be, I took an extended lunch to run home and transfer $4000 into my bank account so that I would be able to order the drugs easily with my debit card. By 5 p.m. and not having heard from neither June nor any pharmacy, both John and I got worried. (I think I was worried for the timing and he was probably more worried that if I didn’t hear from anyone and have at least a little bit more control over this situation, I would implode, self-destruct, much like the way they used to send messages in Mission Impossible). Thankfully, June called John at almost 6 p.m. to notify him that the prescriptions had been faxed. Soon afterwards, I received a phone call from Freedom Pharmacy and was able to order the Gonal-F pen. 
 The Gonal-F pen is the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) that I will be self-injecting daily after Lupron and before the extraction procedure. The goal of the FSH is to induce my ovaries to produce and release more than one follicle (egg) in one cycle/month. That way, the IVD doctors can harvest the follicles on extraction day and inject as many follicles with sperm extracted from John, thus giving us more “choices” in which two eggs we eventually want to transfer back into me. 
 I was relieved to hear that the pharmacy ships the FSH overnight and that I could have it delivered at work. We are still waiting to hear from either one or two more pharmacies to get more confirmations on more fertility drugs and my Lupron.
 We are getting closer and closer to our goal! Will update again as soon as I get all the fertility drugs in.
xoA

Getting Antsy

Originally posted on my Tumblr blog on Oct 14, 2010 10:38pm




Today’s entry is a direct result of sheer antsy-ness and the impatience of what you would think is a four-year old.


Whenever I have an upcoming big event, my normal protocol in the effort to stay sane, focused, and somewhat socially graceful is as follows: make list upon list (mentally, on paper, on the computer, and in this case via blog), update upon update, note upon note. I go over every piece of information I have repeatedly and tirelessly and wrack my brain for potential questions, hiccups, roadblocks, and the solutions to each. It is a busy and noisy place in my ever-planning, ever-scheming head — and it is not for the weak. For me, though, it works. In making my lists etc. I am able to   remain pragmatic, dynamic, somewhat ahead of the game, and ultimately much more accomplished.


That being said …





 Today is one week before my Lupron Lesson appointment, a benchmark event (no pun or self-advertisement intended) for our IVF process, as it will be the first of the injectable hormones I will be taking for this process. Lupron works to temporarily shut off the hormonal signals from the brain to the ovaries and thus prevents the eggs from being ovulated before they are ready to be harvested for the IVF procedure. Lupron is usually self-administered for about 21 days by injection with a small needle under the skin, similar to the way diabetics take daily insulin injections. After the lesson on Thursday, I will be starting the self-administered (or in my case, husband-administered) hormones the following Monday, the 25th. By and large, I am a self-confessed needle-phobe; however, taking into account the considerable amount of needles I have had to be exposed to in the past few months prior to this point, I have become somewhat accustomed to the poke. Granted I think it will be a whole different world having to administer it to myself (or having John do so), having seen the teeny, tiny needle adequately puts my mind at ease. I am looking forward to this appointment as it is another step in the process, another item off my list. More than that, I am looking forward to having John be there too. Though I respect, understand, and am endlessly grateful for his intense work schedule and ethic, I do appreciate him being able to be at this particular appointment not only because he will need to administer the three-week daily shots to me, but also because the moral support he brings is unparalleled to anyone else I have ever seen. I will say it over and over again, this man is a saint, and I don’t know what I ever did right to deserve him.

I also emailed June today because I was worried that I was spotting a little bit. I know that immediately after a hysteroscopy, this is normal, and I did spot then, but it stopped for a couple of days and has returned during the past two. Thankfully, June called back and left me a voicemail, and I was relieved to find out that it is normal, and that I have nothing to worry about. I am to continue taking BCPs until I run out. Lupron will start next week as scheduled and everything is copacetic. Whew
Another phone call I received today was from Rosie of PRC’s financial department. Since the first conversation with June about the potential calendar of events last Friday, when I remember her mentioning “consent forms”, there had not been a mention of payment. So I didn’t say anything in hopes that … um … maybe they’d forget?!?! (YEA RIGHT! What was I thinking?) Anyway, Rosie called me today and noted that the over $12,000 in fees is due on Thursday. (That is, of course, still outside of the almost $5K for fertility drugs and the I don’t even know how much for facility fees and our Pre-Genetic Diagnosis [PGD — what will be done for gender selection] fees). I know that it is all a very large expense, but as John told me tonight, after we have our baby/ies, all the money spent will not even be an afterthought. We are just thankful and grateful that we are physically and financially able to do this process so that we can have kids. 
My birthday is coming up in a week, and although we are having a small get-together at our house for it, I am not asking much else from John or anyone (well, not much else outside of new fall boots — but that’s another blog entry!). Whenever John or anyone has asked me what I want for Christmas, I answer one thing: “Babies.” The same goes for my birthday. I wish and pray for nothing else outside of a successful IVF treatment, and of course [a] happy, healthy, and normal baby/ies. (But just in case you were wondering, I wear a size 8 and I am looking for flat, brown leather, over-the-knee boots.) We, as a couple, wish for nothing else but our child/ren, and we KNOW that it is only a matter of time before God blesses us with them. We know that our wishes and prayers will be answered, as we have so much love between each other that God will allow us to share that with children of our own — our own little contributions of love to the world. 
I had an old blog in which I always ended each entry with a quote from my then-favorite show, Grey’s Anatomy. Although I no longer watch the show, I still love the writing, and will still end this particular entry with a very fitting quote:

“We don’t wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help, and we’re scared, and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish though, because sometimes… they come true.”




We cannot wait for our big wish to come true.

One Last Weekend

Originally posted on my Tumblr account on: Oct 13, 2010 9:37pm

During one of our numerous nightly discussions, John and I came to this conclusion last night: Last weekend was our last “free” weekend until everything basically just starts to happen. This weekend, we have his son Nathaniel staying with us, the next weekend is my birthday, the following is Halloween, and then the holidays arrive … and it is throughout all this that we will be in a whirlwind of appointments, injections, and procedures in having this/these baby/ies. This busy time has come so quickly and yet not a moment too soon.

Just wanted to share — here is a testimony to my OCD-ness of scheduling and planning a.k.a. a copy of our tentative calendar. It shows our potential timeline of events, including my hormone shots, appointments, etc. Will keep you all posted as we get more developments and answers.
Calendar