Steam Engine

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 20th, 2010 11:07am

Now that we have gotten the medicine and drug inventory complete, as my little brother used to say, we only have “one more sleep” until our Lupron Lesson appointment at PRC tomorrow. It occurred to me that despite countless phone calls and correspondence with June, we had really only ever met her once, which was during our initial appointment at the Irvine office of PRC. For the rest of the procedures we have done, we have had to go to the Torrance office. I am really excited to be going to just the Irvine office tomorrow. As much as we’d been to the Torrance location, the Irvine one feels like the “home” office as it is in Orange County too.

Aside from the anticipation of tomorrow’s lesson and finally putting everything in its place in my head, I am a little bit overwhelmed with all the medication that came yesterday. Well, let me correct myself: I am overwhelmed with the amount of needles involved. I guess it’s just a little daunting to see a boxful of needles and syringes and know that it’s all for YOU. I imagined myself so much holding deep breaths and white-knuckled grips on pillows so much that I actually had dreams (more like nightmares) last night of needles being left in my skin and tearing my skin open.

As always, the silver lining in this whole ordeal has been John. Despite his sheer exhaustion last night, he laid down on the couch as I went through the treasure box (styrofoam as it may be) of sharps and hormones, and still encouraged me. This man is my rock. When I told him that I felt as though I was a little overwhelmed, he reminded me, “Honey, eye on the prize”. It’s those little reminders from him that not only bring a little sunshine to my day, but also provide me a stronger and sturdier backbone. Constantly, I am reminded of how I cannot wait to give this man [a] child/ren, of what a great husband he is, and what a great father I know he will be to our daughter[s].

Another source of encouragement for me who must be mentioned is my little brother, Ryan. Many of you know that this guy is the best thing that ever happened to me, that he is my source of pride and joy. Our bond is inexplicable, irrevocable, and incomparable. He is only 14 years old but he carries wisdom and intuition of people who are twice, perhaps even three times his age. Ryan and I already have a nephew through our older brother, and we adore him to no end, and I think what Ryan and I look forward to is bringing a cousin or two to our dear little nephew, Gab. Ryan follows this blog religiously, which is more than what I could ever say or expect from any other 14 year old I know. I also know that he is looking forward to having a little niece around full time. It’s difficult for us, having Gab so far away, although we are lucky to have Vonage and Skype and Facebook to keep us somewhat closer-knit. At any rate, I have seen how protective and wonderful Ryan is to Gab, and I can’t wait to see how he will be, taking care of [a] little baby girl[s]. So, shout out to you, baby bro.

[ Gab & Uncle Ryan during Ryan's last visit to the Philippines ~ July 2010 ]

I am trying to hold in my excitement and anticipation for tomorrow’s appointment. My anticipation and excitement isn’t necessarily due to tomorrow’s appointment being the extraction or transfer, but because it’s another step along this process. In my head, I imagine this process like a steam locomotive engine – the pistons, rods, wheels, and axles idling and starting to warm up and chug along the journey ahead.

Learning about the Lupron and the other drugs tomorrow will put another piece to this puzzle and help me settle everything into their respective places in the timeline in my head. And for now? Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, eye on the prize . . .

October 19, 2010

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on October 19, 2010 7:32pm

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO

First of all I apologize for the poor quality of the video. I used my iPhone4 to shoot it and I have yet to channel Spielberg with the camera. It turned out a little Blair WItch-esque, but this should suffice, at least for the first video.

On that note . . . Our IVF meds came! To celebrate this momentous event (the momentous event of me finally breathing a sigh of relief after this week of waiting!)

So I looked up some of the meds I got and here is somewhat of an explanation:

MENOPUR is a highly purified mixture of the human follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). Every month, a woman's body releases one follicle that becomes the ovum (egg). (When the egg does not get fertilized, it is discharged from our bodies as our periods.) What MENOPUR/FSH does is it tells my  body to release more than one follicle in this one cycle so that when harvest/extraction time comes, our IVF doctor can get them all, and we have a larger chance, and later a larger selection of eggs to use for the intercytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), which is when they manually inject a single sperm into the egg for fertilization. I haven't opened the package yet, but evidently, the MENOPUR comes as a powder and the kit includes a sodium chloride solution to dilute it in. I do know that it will be a subcutaneous shot, so the needles should be a little smaller and should hurt less. Again, I'm not sure of this, but that is what I read on the manufacturer's site.

Just as an explanation, here is a picture from the brochures regarding what is a subcutaneous shot:

GONAL-F is another FSH that we will be using. GONAL-F comes in a "pen" form. The pen allows us to regulate the amount of the hormone to inject daily. It will also be injected subcutaneously. 

Typical Tuesday, Eh?

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 19, 2010 3:32pm

Me (via Twitter): Really tempted to get some fresh lobster to steam for dinner . . . for no other reason besides “I love @JBench99 so much”

Now Via Email…

Me: Did you get my tweet?

John: Yes crazy. What time is dinner?

Me: Well do you want lobster for dinner?

John: Do I want Lobster? That's like asking me if I want air..yes

Inside My Busy Little Brain

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 18th, 2010 11:25pm

I am trying to ever-so-patiently count the days until this Thursday’s Lupron lesson appointment. The “trying” part is not so bad; it’s the patience part that’s not so easy, especially for someone as antsy as I am.

 After getting phone calls and clarifications from Friday evening up until this morning, we finally received confirmations that all my meds and fertility drugs will be arriving via FedEx tomorrow. I had them delivered to my office so that not only can I sign for them and verify receipt, but also so that I could physically have my hands on the over $2000 investment we just made.

 Funny side note: My bank almost did not approve the purchases. I received two phone calls from my bank (I almost never answer phone calls from unknown numbers) wanting to verify that I did, in fact, make these large purchases. Oddly timed, I also ordered my driver’s license renewal last night online. So when I finally called the automated line this evening, I had to verify (*in robot voice* — note the pauses between each word) “a. purchase. for. [$ xxxx.] at. a. pharmacy……. a. puchase. for. [$ xxxx.] at. a. pharmacy….. a. purchase. for. thirty. one. dollars. at. a. government. agency.” I guess in these situations, it’s best to just find humor in the mundane.

 On another note, I am beginning to think that these birth control pills (i.e. the roller coaster of hormones) are starting to affect me. I have noticed myself in a cold sweat at times, and other times, I feel as if I am getting hot flashes (a symptom I’m not really expecting until we start using Lupron and the cocktails of estrogen and progesterone that we will be injecting). More obviously to me, I am breaking out like it’s nobody’s business. Disgustingly, I have developed an astonishing amount of jawline breakouts in the past two weeks. At first, I thought it was my foundation, and I was going to get angry — when you spend almost $50 for one tiny bottle of Nars foundation, and they tell you it’s because it is all natural and non-comedogenic, you expect good results. So two weeks ago, I stopped using liquid foundation and went back to my trusty Laura Mercier mineral powder. In this situation, even Laura let me down. I just can’t seem to win.

I keep reminding myself that breakouts are a small price to pay for getting the thing we wish for the most.

Tomorrow, I will anxiously await the arrival of the FedEx guy at my office. Who am I kidding — I’m anxiously awaiting him NOW. Here I am, laying in bed, and I am afraid that the FedEx guy is going to somehow want to deliver to my office in the middle of the night and I would miss it. Perhaps I am going crazier than I gave myself credit for. Sleep, Angela, sleep. 

In the meantime, can someone please remind my skin that I am no longer sixteen years old and had stopped breaking out for years prior to this time? 

Drugs Are On The Way

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 15, 2010 11:07pm

I realized today, perhaps a little delayed, that as all of our in-vitro events get closer, I will have no choice but to write more blog entries. I guess this isn’t exactly the worst thing, but I did try very hard not to post daily, as there is such a thing as overkill. It was not taken into account, however, that as developments in our little adventure get closer together, the more information I will have to either (a) try to remember [NOT happening] or (b) spew out into the universe via Tumblr.

 And here we are again. 

 My last sent email to June yesterday was left unanswered. You can imagine the wheels tinkering and turning in my head as I awaited her response. The email contained a vague yet somewhat accurate rendering of what goes on in my head. Poor June had to be subjected to a barrage of questions hurled at her: “I haven’t received the planner and the prescriptions. Have you sent it? When it arrives, would I have enough time to order the fertility drugs and have them be here before Thursday next week? What is the exact price? If they don’t arrive before Thursday, what would we do? Would we have to reschedule?” 

 When I didn’t hear from her as of 10 a.m. today, I called John in a mild freak-out mode that I am sure he had not expected to see after our wedding. My incredibly intuitive husband then decided to just call June himself. She finally called me at about 11 a.m., and explained that she had started emailing me back, but upon realizing it was going to be an extensive paragraph or six, she thought she’d better call me and do so verbally instead. 

 June explained that PRC would just get the prescription order ready and fax it to one, two, or a combination of three pharmacies located in different places in the country. The reason for the varied locations is that while one offers a $150 discount per $2000 order, another offered free shipping, and another offered to throw in Lupron with the purchase of all the rest of the fertility drugs. June informed me that she and a colleague are working on figuring out what to order from whom so that we would get our money’s worth. At some point either today or tomorrow, I would hear from the pharmacy/ies soon after PRC faxes over the prescription. During that time, I would order the medicine and pay via credit/debit card. 

 As we were not entirely sure how much the total cost of the fertility drugs would be, I took an extended lunch to run home and transfer $4000 into my bank account so that I would be able to order the drugs easily with my debit card. By 5 p.m. and not having heard from neither June nor any pharmacy, both John and I got worried. (I think I was worried for the timing and he was probably more worried that if I didn’t hear from anyone and have at least a little bit more control over this situation, I would implode, self-destruct, much like the way they used to send messages in Mission Impossible). Thankfully, June called John at almost 6 p.m. to notify him that the prescriptions had been faxed. Soon afterwards, I received a phone call from Freedom Pharmacy and was able to order the Gonal-F pen. 

 The Gonal-F pen is the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) that I will be self-injecting daily after Lupron and before the extraction procedure. The goal of the FSH is to induce my ovaries to produce and release more than one follicle (egg) in one cycle/month. That way, the IVD doctors can harvest the follicles on extraction day and inject as many follicles with sperm extracted from John, thus giving us more “choices” in which two eggs we eventually want to transfer back into me. 

 I was relieved to hear that the pharmacy ships the FSH overnight and that I could have it delivered at work. We are still waiting to hear from either one or two more pharmacies to get more confirmations on more fertility drugs and my Lupron.

 We are getting closer and closer to our goal! Will update again as soon as I get all the fertility drugs in.

xoA