Steam Engine

Originally posted on my Tumblr Blog on Oct 20th, 2010 11:07am

Now that we have gotten the medicine and drug inventory complete, as my little brother used to say, we only have “one more sleep” until our Lupron Lesson appointment at PRC tomorrow. It occurred to me that despite countless phone calls and correspondence with June, we had really only ever met her once, which was during our initial appointment at the Irvine office of PRC. For the rest of the procedures we have done, we have had to go to the Torrance office. I am really excited to be going to just the Irvine office tomorrow. As much as we’d been to the Torrance location, the Irvine one feels like the “home” office as it is in Orange County too.

Aside from the anticipation of tomorrow’s lesson and finally putting everything in its place in my head, I am a little bit overwhelmed with all the medication that came yesterday. Well, let me correct myself: I am overwhelmed with the amount of needles involved. I guess it’s just a little daunting to see a boxful of needles and syringes and know that it’s all for YOU. I imagined myself so much holding deep breaths and white-knuckled grips on pillows so much that I actually had dreams (more like nightmares) last night of needles being left in my skin and tearing my skin open.

As always, the silver lining in this whole ordeal has been John. Despite his sheer exhaustion last night, he laid down on the couch as I went through the treasure box (styrofoam as it may be) of sharps and hormones, and still encouraged me. This man is my rock. When I told him that I felt as though I was a little overwhelmed, he reminded me, “Honey, eye on the prize”. It’s those little reminders from him that not only bring a little sunshine to my day, but also provide me a stronger and sturdier backbone. Constantly, I am reminded of how I cannot wait to give this man [a] child/ren, of what a great husband he is, and what a great father I know he will be to our daughter[s].

Another source of encouragement for me who must be mentioned is my little brother, Ryan. Many of you know that this guy is the best thing that ever happened to me, that he is my source of pride and joy. Our bond is inexplicable, irrevocable, and incomparable. He is only 14 years old but he carries wisdom and intuition of people who are twice, perhaps even three times his age. Ryan and I already have a nephew through our older brother, and we adore him to no end, and I think what Ryan and I look forward to is bringing a cousin or two to our dear little nephew, Gab. Ryan follows this blog religiously, which is more than what I could ever say or expect from any other 14 year old I know. I also know that he is looking forward to having a little niece around full time. It’s difficult for us, having Gab so far away, although we are lucky to have Vonage and Skype and Facebook to keep us somewhat closer-knit. At any rate, I have seen how protective and wonderful Ryan is to Gab, and I can’t wait to see how he will be, taking care of [a] little baby girl[s]. So, shout out to you, baby bro.
[ Gab & Uncle Ryan during Ryan's last visit to the Philippines ~ July 2010 ]

I am trying to hold in my excitement and anticipation for tomorrow’s appointment. My anticipation and excitement isn’t necessarily due to tomorrow’s appointment being the extraction or transfer, but because it’s another step along this process. In my head, I imagine this process like a steam locomotive engine – the pistons, rods, wheels, and axles idling and starting to warm up and chug along the journey ahead.

Learning about the Lupron and the other drugs tomorrow will put another piece to this puzzle and help me settle everything into their respective places in the timeline in my head. And for now? Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, eye on the prize . . .


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