It has been four days since my hysteroscopy.
My hysteroscopy was scheduled for last Wednesday, September 8. Ironically, that day was John’s and my “technical” one-year anniversary, as we got married in the courthouse last year on that day. Any illusions of a grand dinner or the like were, of course, pushed aside for necessity that day.
We left the house at about 7:00 a.m. and got to the Torrance location of PRC at about 8:20 a.m. Although my procedure was not scheduled until 10:00 a.m., we were advised the day before to arrive at about 9:00 a.m. or earlier, as we would be able to get in earlier. Thankfully, we did not need to wait long, as we were immediately processed in (and they did not waste their time taking our $900 for the procedure). Before I knew it, I was dressed in a hospital gown with a hair cap, facility-provided socks and sock covers. Complete patient couture. A friendly nurse hooked me up to an IV line and Dr. Salem came in shortly to go re-explain the procedure with John and me. Having very little to no tolerance to pain, scared me when she told me that they will have to numb the cervix and that it might sting momentarily. Even the thought of a momentary episode of pain, well, pains me. Besides the moment of hearing whatever results may be, that moment of potential pain was what I was most anxious about.
It was only moments later that John was asked to exit into the waiting room and I was taken into the procedure room. Despite having had to put my feet in stirrups more often in the past few months than ever in my life, there is nothing comforting about laying down on that bed and having to “scootch forward” to have my cha-cha exposed – it’s a feeling you never really get used to. Although that morning was no exception, they did not waste any time in sedating me (yesssss!). Another nurse, Mary, introduced herself to me. The same soft-spoken nurse from earlier informed me that she was beginning to put in my sedatives into my IV line. Like clockwork, I began feeling very woozy. The doctor asked if I felt alright, and I told her that I just felt heavy. I was awake throughout the procedure, but just felt tired and sleepy. The doctor kept me well-informed throughout the procedure, pointing out my insides on the TV screen, although honestly, I really could not keep track as the sedatives just kept my head mostly in the clouds. They wheeled me out shortly, and I remember the nurse asking me in recovery if I wanted her to have my husband come back in. I don’t remember my answer, but evidently, I said yes, as I slowly fluttered my eyes open to a very comforting feeling of John kissing my forehead.
I came in and out of consciousness. I fought the sleep as I knew I couldn't and wouldn't sleep comfortably there anyway. I wanted to wait until I got home to do so. When I could feign alertness enough, the IVs were taken off me, and I was told to get dressed and given instructions for the next few days. We want to try to avoid infection in the area, so I must take two Doxycyclin pills daily for 5 days. (Doxycyclin is an antibiotic) Also, although spotting may occur, no tampons, douching, or sex for three days. (Imagine my husband's thought process at this time.)
Because I was told not to consume anything after midnight the night before, I was starving by the time I got out. There was lots of discussion as to where to eat, and we ended up at Maggiano's at South Coast Plaza. I was hungry and I ate heartily, but barely tasted, let alone enjoyed my meal as I was so groggy. I fell asleep in the car and as soon as I got home, I was zonked out. It was 1:00 p.m.
At 5:00 p.m. I finally woke up and found John downstairs. Although I slept well, I woke up with a headache, much like a hangover headache. As my sleep pattern was badly tampered with, that evening, I went to bed with the assistance of two Advil PMs.
The adventure of sleep adjustment is no match for the ordeal occurring inside my head as I await the results of the pathology labs. The doctor noticed that there was some thicker endometrial tissue (the tissue that lines your uterus) and some polyps so she took a sample of it and sent it to the lab for analysis. The reason for this could have something to do with some irregular bleeding I had a month and a half ago or that I may have just started the birth control pill the week before. We won't find out the how or why of it for one to two weeks from that day. The doctor and June both said that a possibility might be that I take the birth control pill for another month more before starting the Lupron shots (the first of the hormone shots) during my October cycle instead of the September one. This pushes us back a month, but we just want to do this right. We don't want to half-ass ourselves, and in effect, our baby/babies.
This in-vitro process is long and arduous, and we knew that going into it, but I'm not going to lie that even in the beginning stages, hiccups like this really make me question if I am up for it. I know I have said it a million times: I don't care what I have to do; even if I have to stand on my head and spit out quarters for three days straight, I will do it because I want children for us so bad. However, determination does not always equate constant self-assuredness. We are human; we get tired, we get frustrated, and yes, we are constantly scared. We are scared that it doesn't happen, that we end up in a miscarriage, that our child/ren will have any abnormalities, that we wouldn't be able to deal with it if, God forbid, it does happen. On the same token, these are worries that most, if not all almost-parents and parents have. They are fears that everyone has because of so much love for their children, even if at this point, they are still our theoretical children. What I have to keep reminding myself about, however, is that this will happen and it will unfold perfectly according to God's plan. --- I'm sorry, I hate to get so preachy, and I hate when people get like that --- but I know that He knows the love between John and me, and He knows that we want children because we want to share that love with them. We are married, by Church and state, and have been, and these children are well-planned-for, well-prepared-for. In no time at all, His plan will come to fruition.