keeping busy

I'm killing time.
J and I have a goal: to try to get pregnant again around the beginning of 2012.
We're saving money, healing ourselves physically and emotionally, and preparing ourselves to embark on the journey again. Needless to say, I'm anxious to get the process of IVF started again, but part of this whole learning experience has been to teach myself patience. At the same time, I am giving myself space and time to miss my little girls. Just because you lose your child, doesn't necessarily mean you immediately jump back onto the babymaking wagon and get pregnant right away. Though my knee jerk reaction is to wish I was pregnant like YESTERDAY, I know that I owe it to Aub and Fin to mourn them too. I am their mommy and they have to know that my mourning will be a lifetime of it.

I know I shouldn't plan too much, and I've been told to just kick back and let things happen.
But that just isn't my style.
If you know me, you know that I've kept a planner since the age of 12 {I had this cute Sanrio one that my aunt gave me for Christmas and I kept it and actually used it!}
and in my adulthood, not much has changed.

So in the spirit of killing time, I've taken up a hobby... or five.

{1} The BLOG
{duh} Obv, I've been trying to keep up with the blog, and change direction a little bit -- instead of just my wallowing hole, I've diverted it to include crafts, recipes, maybe even a travel piece here and there. I'm planning on taking this blog places and I have to say I'm having fun doing it.

{2) CRAFTS
You've see me post one last week, and I'm using several resources to discover more to practice and share. Last week, John asked me if I felt good doing my crafts, and I explained that it's much like his video games -- to me, it's mindless but fun. I shared with him and our amazing therapist last week that while I do think of my girls when I'm making headbands, jewelry, wall art, and such, I still get to, in a way, get away. Our therapist encourages me to continue it because while it's a good distraction, it doesn't mask reality for me. And the best part? I have products to share with friends and family through the blog and also to start my Etsy shop with {coming soon!}

{3} GETTING FIT
Filipinos are funny people. They somehow think that just because they are family, it's okay to tell someone they're fat or that they've gained weight. Newsflash for my fellow brethren: It's not cool to be called fat in any language, culture, or setting. I get it, you mean well, but still not cool. I get it, you're family, but that actually just makes it worse. So here I am, a few pounds heavier since I met my wonderful husband {happy eating, what can I say?} and beat up quite a few times by several comments made my way, and I am fighting my way back. Two days ago I started a boot camp and calorie counting {big time}. I am so sore that I have trouble even going to the potty, but I am on my way back. 

And I'm taking it a step further.
I'm looking into joining a half marathon by the end of the year.
Yes, you heard it here first {and really, it's here first. J is asleep next to me and I haven't even told him yet... so, surprise, Honey!}

{4} RECIPES
Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

I know we {meaning J and I} are on another weight loss kick, but who's to say we can't eat well? I understand that {as a former co-worker used to tell me} we are pretty fancy with our  foie gras and steak tartare addictions {i mean seriously, who snacks on Iberrico and Jamon Serrano on a week night? or takes a trip to Los Olivos just to get a Kobe beef patty melt or find cave aged gouda?} -- We get a little food crazy, but I figure, that doesn't mean that we can't eat healthy while we do so, right? I mean there must be a reason those French people eat so decadently, but still remain skinny, right?? {I'm trying to find a way to justify a daily midday nap too}

And my plan with these recipes? Why, share them on the blog, of course! Why keep the deliciousness to myself? 

{5} PARTY PARTY PARTY!
No, not in the way I used to in my early 20's. {I think my liver would disown me if I ever went through that phase again!} I mean like collect ideas for parties to throw. Last year, J and I threw an amazeballs {if I may say so myself} Spanish Tapas party and exhausting as it may have been, I would have to say that it was so worth it. I figure, why not share more of that experience with friends and family?

So that's what I'm doing now. Before you know it, the blog will have more articles {and hopefully followers}, I will lose weight!, parties will be thrown, food will be cooked, a marathon will be run, and hopefully, just hopefully, babies will be on the way again.

What are YOUR goals and hobbies this year?
{use the comments section below to share!}
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